 DON’T BRING YOUR EXCESS BAGGAGE INTO YOUR MARRIAGEConstance Lane Arnold, M.A., LPC
Professional Marriage Counselor
When you first meet the love of your life there seems to be such bliss, compatibility and harmony. The two of you are inseparable and you feel like you are in heaven! Over a period of time, the infatuation and emotions begins to diminish. There seems to be a natural shift in the relationship and now the real work begins. It is a fact that 50% of all couples who get married get divorced. As a licensed therapist for over 20 years and having counseled hundreds of couples, I believe that one of the main reasons that relationships fail is due to “unresolved personal issues.”
Nobody wants to really get to the root of their own personal issues. But the truth is that when you don’t deal with your stuff, your stuff will eventually impact your relationship. Below are some personal root issues:
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Childhood issues (inadequacy, sexual or verbal abuse, alcoholic parents)
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Unrealistic expectations about relationships and marriage
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Unhealthy dependency upon others
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Fear of abandonment of the relationship – Do anything to make it work)
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Looking to your relationship to fill your void
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People pleaser – Don’t know how to say no
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Co-Dependent Behavior
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Afraid to confront issues – Afraid to express your feelings
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Trying to get all of your unmet needs from your spouse
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Unforgiveness and bitterness against others
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Selfishness – more focused on what you’re getting instead of giving
I personally recommend that each individual should get personal counseling before marriage. Begin to take a candid look at your behavior patterns. What’s the one thing that keeps showing up in your life? If the same behavior or issues keep manifesting in your life, then that is God attempting to get you to examine yourself and get to the ROOT of your problems. Remember, whatever you will not confront – will not change! Awareness is the first step towards change. Couples spend thousands of dollars on their wedding day but do not invest in personal counseling to begin change from the inside out.
The greatest gift that you can give your partner is to come into the relationship as whole emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually as possible.
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